<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>First Kiss by feluriana</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24474814">First Kiss</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/feluriana/pseuds/feluriana'>feluriana</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow &amp; Related Fandoms</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon Compliant, M/M, POV Simon Snow, POV Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, christmas night</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 02:34:54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,188</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24474814</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/feluriana/pseuds/feluriana</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Simon finds out he was Baz's first kiss.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>164</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>First Kiss</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Couldn't stop thinking about the night after the "you can have this. if you want".</p><p>Hope you enjoy :')</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>
    <span>BAZ</span>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I like to look at you. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I like knowing you're okay. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Since when?! </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I want to be your terrible boyfriend. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Wicked, </span>
  </em>
  <span>and a genuine smile. Snow was curious about my fangs, thrilled by it. Not afraid nor disgusted, interested. Snow, who has been threatening to expose me for this same reason for years now. Snow, the handsome fool I'm in love with.   </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Things are happening too vertiginous fast, I can't think straight. No pun intended. The last thing said in this bedroom was "You're an idiot. But you can have </span>
  <em>
    <span>this.</span>
  </em>
  <span> If you want it." In response, I got one heavenly grin that almost made me lose my mind. Everything is perfect like this. However, it can't be. Can it? Well, if the past counts for something... I guess that, in my life, it can't, so what's the catch? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Glad to have the dishes in my hands as an excuse, I looked away from the boy in my bed - my boyfriend, I suppose - and got up. Now I'm putting them on top of my dresser for no reason whatsoever. I just need to pretend to be doing something so I can think before I look at Snow again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He says he doesn't know if he's gay. What if this is just fun for him? I don't know, </span>
  <em>
    <span>break the rules before getting out of school</span>
  </em>
  <span> kind of thing? Maybe he's just confused. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seriously, Basilton? </span>
  <em>
    <span>You</span>
  </em>
  <span> saying this? Really? Okay, I know, but it's Snow, he's always confused. He left my house and came right back. He's impulsive. Maybe he's asking to be my boyfriend for impetus, he's caught up in the moment and... </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Are you going to face me again any time soon or should I just go to sleep?" his somnolent voice breaks my train of thought. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Can't you see that I'm busy?" I respond without looking at the bed, silently hoping he stays there and doesn't come to get me. And then I pray for him to get up and get me. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"No, you're not. You're just staring intensely at your dresser and I'm afraid you're may set it on fire. It can be fatal for you." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"It can be fatal for anyone, Snow." I answer with a snort. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Are you ignoring me again?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"It may not have occurred to you, but you're not the only thing to cross my mind." He mostly is. "I'm just thinking about everything. I still have a murderer to find." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nice way out. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Then share what you're plotting with me. I said I would help, right?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Crowley, there is no way I can get Snow to just stay quiet for 5 minutes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Snow, there's something you may not know, but when vampires finish eating normal food, the desire for blood is really powerful. It's the equivalent for you as eating just half scone. You would want more, right?" I turn to face him, trying to maintain a severe expression. "Would you mind to take a walk or stay inside the bathroom for a while?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Snow gazes at me, narrowing his eyes. And right when I thought he believed the absurd I just stated, he started laughing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Old habits die hard, I understand. I'll let you with your ideas for a while, but I'll be right here when you finish them." He stops staring at me and turns his attention to the patterns at my bedside. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I hold back one side smile while observing him. He will still be there... Okay, but, he left once. It sharply stung my heart and I wasn't prepared for it. I thought I was an old friend to every burning pain that loving Simon Snow could bring me, and yet, that one was a whole different sensation because it only took me half of a second to get familiar with the idea of him staying. And he left. Then came back. And I swear... The happiness I felt was also from a whole different world. Was it always gonna be like this? The sudden change of his mind and my feelings going right behind it? I feel so... defenseless. Exposed. Pulled and pushed away by violent tides that come and go. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I know nothing about relationships. All I understand is craving someone. I never wanted anyone but </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span> and he was never an option so I never thought about the next steps or how to build a healthy relation. Are we good to each other? It's all so unbelievable, I don't know how to organize my ideas.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And still, he is here. He came back to me.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I look over my shoulders and see him lying on his back, arms crossed under his head. He doesn't seem worried about something so life-changing as asking </span>
  <em>
    <span>me </span>
  </em>
  <span>to be his boyfriend. Crowley, what's wrong with you, Snow? Why are you always so full of... Light. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It's true, it's not just because I like him, he just seems to shine everywhere he goes, even this gloomy room. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Looking at him makes me immediately think </span>
  <em>
    <span>how hard can it be</span>
  </em>
  <span>? How </span>
  <em>
    <span>wrong</span>
  </em>
  <span> can it be? I don't know. Maybe I shall live to regret my words, still, it's Simon. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>How can I not dive in all that uncertainty when it's him waiting for me on the other side?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>
    <span>SIMON</span>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Baz moves so subtly I don't hear him coming to lay at my side, I only feel the change in the bed. I was nearly falling asleep and giving up on talking to him before that. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"What are you smiling about?" He asks, softly but still with a bit of arrogance in his voice. I laugh. "What, Snow?" He insists. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Easy, easy... I was just laughing because you seem to be afraid of me and yet </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> are a damn vampire. I'm the one in danger here. I've been in danger for years and no one believed me." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I'm not afraid of you." He sounds insulted. I open my eyes and lean on my side. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Then why is there a permanent wrinkle in your forehead since I asked you to be my boyfriend?" I argue touching the space between his eyebrows. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I like saying that. Boyfriend. I like to play with the word in my tongue and I enjoy seeing the effect it has on Baz. It's the vampire-version of blushing. It's just a slight change in his expression, but it's there and I can see it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I told you, there are other things in my head right now, Snow." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You called me Simon before." I say just to annoy him while I close my eyes, sleepy and careless. I roll on the bed and get closer to Baz. The way he laid at my side gets him a bit beneath me so I place my chin on the top of his head, put one arm around his chest, and kind of force the other one under his neck. He doesn't move. Maybe he </span>
  <em>
    <span>is</span>
  </em>
  <span> worried about something related to his mom. I mean, how could he just forget about this for the night? I start thinking about something helpful to say when he cuts the silence with a thin voice. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I'm not afraid of you. I'm was afraid that you would leave again, but that's stupid. Nevermind." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I hold him tighter, and he moves to lie on his side as well, getting one arm around my waist while he draws undistinguished patterns in my chest with his other hand. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I won't. Unless you ask me to." And I mean it. I just can't see myself letting him go. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I won't do that either." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"So we're gonna grow old in this dreadful house. Well, I'll grow old, you'll continue to be deadly attractive as you are now."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I never thought about living much after school... Should I be worried about my career now?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You have nothing to worry about, you've always been the brightest mage in class."  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I place a kiss on his head and Baz's small laughter is a bit suffocated by my body pressed against him. We stay in silence for a while. Yeah, I think I can do that, be his boyfriend, it feels easy and amusing. Everything seems possible at this moment. Baz and I together, we can achieve anything. Defeat the Humdrum, solve the tension in the magical world, get lives for ourselves. As long as we are on the same side, there's hope. I feel invincible, safe. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I want to sleep listening to his voice and I'm half asleep when I start rambling, eyes closed. I want him to tell me things. Basilton Pitch, he changes the atmosphere of any room he walks in, everyone talks about his family, and yet what does anyone know about his life? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"So you're very sure of yourself, right?" I mumble. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Why wouldn't I? Have you met me?" I can't see it, but I know the expression he has. The smirk, the left eyebrow lifted. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I'm talking about your sexuality." I go on, disregarding the comment. "You said you just </span>
  <em>
    <span>know."</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Because that's how it works, Snow. It's simple as that." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"But you haven't always known. How was, hmm, like, the first time you realized?" He remains quiet. "You said you wanted to kiss my freckle almost since you've met me... Did you like me before you understood you were gay? Was that what made you realize you were attracted to boys?" With no response, I start trying to get on his nerves. "Baz, was I your first crush? I was, right? How embarrassing for you." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Do you have an off switch?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Excuse me, I'm brainstorming trying to figure you out." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"That's very out of character of you, Snow. I thought you were satisfied being the brainless soldier." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Shut up, you're just avoiding the big question here." I shake him gently. "I was your first crush!" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Baz sighs. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Yes, Snow. I felt strong feelings for you since the beginning. I wanted to destroy you." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"But also kiss my face." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Absolutely." He admits with disdain. "Happy?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Very much." I laugh only because I can't help it. "So, you felt something... And that made you feel confused?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I was only confused because I didn't know it was possible to desire someone you find so irritating. That makes me confused till this day."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I laugh even harder. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"And did you like other boys after that?" I insist, eager to know everything there is to know about him.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Not really." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Did you go out with anyone you found interesting?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"That's none of your business, Snow." He retorts sounding irritated but remains in my arms. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I'm just trying to understand how you are so sure of everything. Of this." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He groans and doesn't reply. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"So did you..."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Crowley, Snow, no. No, I didn't go out with anyone else, I didn't want to."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"But why? I mean, you do know how beautiful you are, right? I'm sure that..."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Because I liked you, idiot, are you even paying attention to what's happening here?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Baz sets himself free of my embrace and puts some distance between us so now we're facing each other. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I can see your brain trying to light up." He smirks and keeps looking at me. I roll my eyes and his smile spreads in his face.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"So you never went out with anyone because you liked me. Dates and stuff..."  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Good. You can repeat what you listen." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"But when was the first time you kissed a boy? How was the occasion?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Baz frowns at me and it takes him a while to say:</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You are a bit slow, aren't you?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>My chin drops a bit with the insult, but then... I realize something. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Baz, was I your first kiss?" I ask softly and he rolls his eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Maybe." I keep looking, with inquiring eyes. "Yes, Snow, yes. I never wanted to kiss anyone but you so what would be the point?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He looks at his hands and I let the information sink in. Baz has never kissed anyone before that night in the forest, with everything burning around us. He's been in love with me, and sure of it, for so long. He didn't want to go out with anyone else, even tho we were on opposite sides. We were enemies. He liked me so quietly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Is it possible for a human heart to physically melt? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I take his face with both my hands and bring us closer. His eyes are so intense, like everything about him. It's almost like every line of his face has an attitude. He's just so different from everything he seems to be, everything I thought he was. Not the evil, rich, proud genius. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You're such a softie, Baz. Who could guess..." I'm grinning and he exhales, annoyed. "Well, I hope to be the only one to kiss you then." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There's so much I still want to know about him, about the years he was right beside me and I couldn't see much of the truth. Hopefully, there will be many nights like this one and I'll get to learn everything about him. About this deadly beautiful vampire who appears to have a very tender heart.  </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Times are really hard right now. Stay safe you all.</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>